Wow, has it been this long since the last time I've blogged... Many things have happened but in order not to make this post too long (and I am typing this at work, so I should really be doing some work ;)) I will only talk about the failed attempt at IM CDA.
Going into the race, I knew my heart wasn't really into it. For some reason, having a "not a great" race at St. Croix added to this, but I think the main reason is that for me Silverman was an A race this season and I really want to do well there. So it was decided that I would race CDA with no pressure which suited me well.
However, couple of days before the race, ever since I left London my stomach wasn't feeling great and I really don't think I ate as much as I should have had prior to the race.
The race day -swim was HORRIBLE. I am a slow swimmer but not such slow swimmer as CDA results show. The water wasn't too cold and because I have never done a mass start before I positioned myself well at the back. That is a decision I would probably change. I found myself caught behind a lot of really slow guys and had to get few kicks and work hard to get around them. On the second loop of the swim I just felt as if I was going backwards - it really wasn't pretty.
Finally out of the water and onto the bike. As soon as I got on the bike the stomach pain started. At times it was pretty unbearable. I couldn't eat or drink anything and unsurprisingly, slowly I started to bonk. At the end of the first lap I was clearly going backwards. I had no energy. I realised I only consumed couple of sips from one of my bottles and even though I tried to force myself to take calories in, my body said no. I felt awful, I knew I couldn't race like this. For about 20 mins the mental battle within me was just awful. I was thinking of so many reasons why I should go on and my heart was telling me that I should, but at the same time my body was saying no and my mind was telling me that it's just not safe to carry on. All I really wanted was to see someone I know out there on the course, like Shaun or Marit or D so that they can make the decision for me because I didn't want to be the one to quit. But I didn't see anyone and the decision had to be made. So I did it, I pulled over and rode to the transition. And that was it - the end of my race, one big fat DNF.
I felt a bit tearful in the tent, I was very disappointed with myself but decided to try and make the most of the day and try and be the best support for my husband and friends racing out there. It was great to see Shaun and Marit and Ian having amazing races and I was so so happy for them. But when Shaun crossed the finish line I found myself in tears. I felt like I have let myself and everyone else down. I know it was hard for Shaun to celebrate his race seeing me like this and I wish I can change that now. But that is how it all went.
I just wanted to say a huuuge thanks to Jen who was a great support before, during and after the race. And I am so pleased that she has accepted to coach Shaun as well. We love it.
It was also great to meet D who was a great spectathlete and also Marit and her great hubby and parents. We had so much fun with them. Shaun and Nate hit it off straight away talking about military stuff and I loved Marit's parents. We had some really interesting conversations. I hope you do come to visit us in the UK some time soon (Marit, are you reading this???).
Once the IM CDA was out of the way we did our litle road trip - USA style but more about that in the next post.